Swinging refers to the practice of engaging in sexual activities with other people outside of one's primary relationship. It is a form of non-monogamy in which couples engage in these activities together, typically in a social or recreational setting.
The key to healthy swinging is clear communication and the establishment of boundaries.
They allow individuals to communicate their needs, wants, and limits and create a sense of trust and respect among all parties involved.
Without clear boundaries, misunderstandings and resentment can arise, which can lead to conflict and potentially damage primary relationships. Boundaries are crucial to help ensure all parties involved in swinging are fully informed and consent to all the activities undertaken.
With regards to setting up boundaries, it is important to establish only those that could potentially break the primary relationship if surpassed and those that would make the relationship a better and improved bond. That being said, what are some boundaries for swinging?
Having clear boundaries is essential for a respectful and enjoyable experience. They include safety, comfort, the types of activities, information shared, and the degree of physical, emotional and sexual contact. Sexual activities preference and off-limits ones,as well as post-activity check-in. Thus, ensuring care and respect for all parties involved.
Our advice from unconventional, as mentioned above, establishing only the necessary limits is what makes swinging successful for a primary couple.
The number of boundaries that couples establish may vary, but it is critical to understand that, the more boundaries that are established, the higher the probability that one of them may be challenged or disregarded.
We recommend that both parties agree to a set of 4-5 boundaries, abide by them and regroup to thoroughly discuss and consent to make any changes if necessary.
A word of advice that most of our clients report being beneficial is to frequently review and evaluate the pre-arranged boundaries, after every interaction that is associated with the swinging lifestyle.
This way those boundaries keep being refreshed and reminded and can help ensure that all partners are having a pleasant experience. In order to help potentiate the sexiest and most fun time swinging, minimising drama as much as possible, below, we have outlined the most common boundaries to follow.
It is important to emphasise that these examples are not meant to be prescriptive, but rather to show the wide range of boundaries that couples may set for themselves.
What are some of the most common boundaries for swinging? Boundaries list.
Sexual boundaries
Arranging and establishing sexual boundaries should be a clear and open discussion between partners. These negotiations include the frequency of sexual activity, the type of sexual activity, the number of partners involved, the location and any other physical or logistical considerations that the couple may wish to establish.
- No kissing on the mouth or genitals
- No touching of breasts or genitals without explicit consent
- No penetration or sexual intercourse with other partners
- Only engaging in sexual activity with one other couple at a time
- No oral sex or manual stimulation with other partners
- Always use condoms during sexual activity
- No sexual activity with partners who have not been tested and cleared for STIs
- No engaging in sexual activity with friends or family
- No engaging in sexual activity in the home or car
- No engaging in sexual activity in public spaces
- No engaging in sexual activity with someone we have not met in person before
- Only engaging in sexual activity when sober
- No engaging in sexual activity while under the influence of drugs or alcohol
- No engaging in BDSM or other kinky activities with other partners without proper training and consent
- No sexual activities that involve fetishes or kinks that one partner isn't comfortable with
- No engaging in sexual activity that involves roleplaying or fantasies involving non-consensual scenarios
- No taking photographs or recording of sexual activity without consent
- No sexual activities involve voyeurism or exhibitionism without consent
- No sexual activities that involve live streaming or online sharing without consent
- No sexual activities that involve group sex or orgies
- No seeking unicorns
- No sexual activities with people who are in a primary relationship
- No same-sex encounters for one or both partners
- No sexual activities with partners who are significantly older or younger than the couple
- No sexual activities with partners that are significantly different in terms of physical size or shape
- No sexual activities with people who have a certain number of sexual partners
- No sexual activities that involve minor or illegal activities
- No sexual activities that involve blood or cutting
- No sexual activities that involve any form of humiliation or degradation
- No sexual activities that involve temporary or permanent marks such as bruises or scratches
- No sexual activities that involve firearms or other weapons
- No sexual activities involve any form of force or non-consensual behaviour
- No sexual activities involve any form of financial transactions or compensation
- The requirement is for all partners to disclose any past or current medical conditions that could affect their sexual health
- The requirement for all partners to disclose their HIV status before engaging in sexual activity
Emotional and personal boundaries
Establishing and maintaining emotional boundaries can be challenging, but it is essential for couples to have open and honest communication about what they are comfortable with and what they need.
In open relationships, it is important to be transparent and honest about any sexual experiences outside of the relationship, while also taking into account the other person's desires and needs in terms of how much information they want to know and how often they want to hear about it.
- It is essential to regularly reassess and adjust these boundaries as necessary
- Only engage in swinging activities with people who are in good physical and emotional health
- The establishment of rules around the use of social media and online communication with other swinging partners
- The requirement for all partners to disclose any past criminal history that could affect their suitability as a swinging partner
- The establishment of rules around how much information about swinging activities can be shared with friends and family
- No leaving a club or event separately or together
- The requirement of being in the same room or separately during play or sexual time
- No solo communication with others unless your partner is present
- No swinging separately only together
- No official dates, only a one-night stand
- No play on the first date
- No repeats
- The decision to only engage in swinging activities within a certain geographic location
- To set up safe words or other forms of communication to stop an activity
How to communicate boundaries to all parties?
Communicating boundaries is an important aspect of any relationship, but it can be especially challenging in the context of swinging.
Here are a few tips for communicating boundaries to all parties involved to ensure a smooth, sexy and fun encounter/s:
- Start with a conversation
Before engaging in any swinging activity, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner(s) and all people involved about your boundaries and expectations.
This should include discussing what types of activities you're comfortable with, what limits you have, and what you're looking to get out of the experience. - Be honest about your feelings
Swinging can be an emotionally charged experience, and it's important, to be honest about your feelings and concerns. If you're feeling nervous, excited, or any other emotions, it's important to communicate that to your partner(s) so that they can understand and support you. - Discuss comfort levels
- Communicate during the activity
Once the activity has started, it's important to continue to communicate with your partner(s). If you're feeling uncomfortable or if something is not going as planned, it's important to speak up and let your partner(s) know what's going on. - Check-in after
After the activity, it's important to check in with your partner(s) and talk about how you're feeling. This can help to ensure that everyone is on the same page and that any concerns or issues can be addressed. - Be open to changes
Remember that boundaries can change over time, and it's important to be open to reassessing them as needed.
Final thoughts
When it comes to setting boundaries in a swinging lifestyle, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. The most important thing is to consider what will work for your specific relationship and what won't.
It's paramount to remember that setting boundaries is a personal and unique process for each couple and these examples are not exhaustive there may be other boundaries that couples may want to set for themselves.
Communication, consent, and mutual agreement are the most important in this type of lifestyle and discussing and establishing these boundaries beforehand, can help create a more comfortable and enjoyable experience for everyone involved.
It's not uncommon for couples to adjust their rules as they gain more experience and become more comfortable with the lifestyle, opting for a more flexible set of principles such as prioritizing safety, having fun, and ensuring mutual care and respect.