It is easy to fall into a routine when you are in a long-term and perhaps a consolidated relationship.
This is what is called a “vanilla” relationship. To recover that passion and spark you once had, it is important to learn how to improve your dull relationship.
For more clarity on this matter, a "vanilla" relationship is the type of relationship that society considers conventional and traditional. These conventions usually include the “typical” sexual practices but do not explore other sexual, physical or emotional interests beyond that.
These types of relationships are appraised as the default relationship by society, often seen as monogamous, traditional sex and simple emotional connections. Some partners may not have the need to explore more in their relationship but others may feel that routine has taken over and they wish to explore other sexual interests and practices.
If you're in a vanilla relationship, unsatisfied and wishing to spice things up, there are many ways to do it, among others, you can consider introducing a kink/s to your relationship/sex life.
There can be different ways to recover communication, excitement and passion with your partner. These include romantic adventures, and trips, improving communication through deep conversations and introducing a kink in the bedroom.
In this article, we will explain how to bring a kink to your vanilla relationship to keep the romance alive and satisfy the intimacy with your partner.
What is a kink?
Let’s define what a kink is for those who are still not clear about the concept.
A kink is a term used to describe a sexual interest, fetish or behaviour that is not considered traditional or falls outside of what is socially contemplated as “the norm” in a sexual and/or romantic relationship.
These sexual interests and desires are quite diverse and they do vary depending on the style and intensity. They can include but are limited to, BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism), role-playing, exhibitionism, cuckolding, etc.
Some kinks, such as BDSM, are relatively well-known and are now more accepted. Other kinks and fetishes are still not very well understood by society and hence considered taboo, for which some people may feel reluctant to explore them.
In a relationship, kinks can play a variety of roles. For some couples, kinks can be a way to spice up their sex life and add excitement and variety. For others, kinks can be a way to explore their deepest desires and fantasies and deepen their emotional and sexual connection.
For some people, some couples or partnerships, kinks and fetishes are a strong emotional and psychological connection to the world and other people. For some, they mean a way to be free and feel liberated as well as feeling empowered when engaging in these activities.
How to bring a kink into a vanilla relationship? Step by step guide
In a relationship, exploring some unconventional sexual interests and emotional connections can be fun and exciting. That said, it is crucial for couples to understand that kinks and fetishes are not for everyone.
It can be an incredible way to strengthen and deepen the couple's partnership either to recover the excitement that partners once felt or to take your relationship to the next level.
Introducing kinks into your relationship can be a laborious and touchy subject. The reason why good and fluid communication with your partner and vice versa is essential. Communicating effectively and honestly with your desires, interests and boundaries is crucial for the success of the relationship.
Before we describe in depth how to smoothly bring a kink into a “vanilla” and soft relationship, it is important to never forget that, a “vanilla” relationship is not better or worse than a kinkier one.
Partners may choose to have a "vanilla" relationship for a variety of reasons or in contrast to deciding to introduce new fetishes or discover new kins together. Being in a “vanilla” relationship does not mean that partners or one of the partners is not interested in sex or more adventurous sexual activities. Sometimes partners just prefer simpler relationship types and all that entails physical and emotional.
Whatever the case may, be a “vanilla” relationship is equally valid but in this article, we will be describing how to spice them up by introducing fetishes or kinks!
There are a few steps, partners can take, in order to begin the journey of a kinkier relationship:
- For the process of introducing a fetish or kink in your "vanilla" relationship to work out, open and direct communication is crucial. Speaking openly and honestly about your sexual interests and how you would desire your relationship to evolve. Not only, speaking truthfully and respectfully is important but also listening carefully to the other partner involved is essential.
We all have different thoughts and feelings, and bringing them all to the table is important. Understandably, starting this conversation can be a bit uncomfortable and awkward at first, but down the track, it will become easier and will build more trust within the relationship. - The second step in the process of introducing a kink into your "vanilla" relationship is to understand what kink you are into and what you would like to actually bring into your sexual and emotional relationship.
This may sound too obvious but articulating and explaining what your interests are about is also quite crucial to make your partner understand what your feelings are.
Do some research to learn about the different activities and practices that your kink/s are based on and what it would entail if brought up into your relationship. Our advice is to read books, research online and overall engage in the endless communities regarding fetishes and BDSM that are easily accessible online as well as popular forums such as Reddit or Quora as good beginners’ sources.
Creating and participating in such communities is a great way to acquire more in-depth knowledge and advice on the actual practices of your fetish or kink/s. Describing in detail and explaining clearly through education all the aspects (both sexual and emotional) of the kink is the basis of the success of the new practices in the relationship so that both partners are in sync and agree on all details of the kink. If both partners are not properly educated on the matter then it is harder to make an informed decision about what the permissions, boundaries and off-limits are. This way is easier to agree on which practices you both wish to try together. - The third step after you have started your conversation about bringing extra spice into your relationship, is to define and establish rules for your kink activities. Expressing openly and comfortably which practices or activities you would be willing to experience or avoid it is essential. In order for partners to do this, establishing safe words is the way to go.
These safe words can be simple words that resonate in your head or they can signal that you may relate familiarly and indicate when and how to stop/continue your activities during the kink. - The next step is to start incorporating the new practices into your life. Our recommendation is to gradually and slowly escalate it. Rushing into these new kinks can be too extreme and ruin the whole “vanilla” relationship too. Partners should always take one step at a time and focus on how it feels and build trust slowly but progressively.
- Understanding the importance of what a kink means to someone is the basis of this new tone for your “Vanilla” relationship. A kink or a fetish is a very personal and individualised aspect of a human’s sexuality. This means, that what may be sound really appealing and exciting for some people, may not be as fulfilling or attractive for others.
This may sound like something that you would think is a given at a first glance, but in practice may be more challenging. It is vital to be respectful and always validate your partner's feelings as your partner might have different kinks that they wish to explore that might differ from yours. That is why approaching an honest and non-judgmental conversation is key. It is the foundation of developing a dynamic of care for each other's physical and emotional well-being, always prioritising consent and consensus. - The next step is a very important one. Whatever the kink or fetish may be that you wish to include in the partnership, start with the “lightest” ways to do it. To successfully bring a kink into a "vanilla" relationship is important, to begin with, more subtle and less intimidating practices.
These may include role-playing or light bondage. This is a good way to build trust and to grow into the pleasurable and rewarding feedback of the new sexual practices. Partners will start feeling more comfortable and progressively open the door to more advanced activities in the future.
Not only role-playing, light fantasies and light bondage a way to start, but also partners are very much encouraged to explore the world of sex toys and accessories. There are many different types of sex toys and sexy items designed specifically for kinky play, whatever the level may be. There is a wide range of beginner toys to help add that level of confidence and excitement to the new sexual journey that “vanilla” partners have embarked on.
- As this new process moves forward, it is very important to always check on your partner as you both explore new kinks together. Always ensuring that everything is feeling right, boundaries are being respected and everyone feels satisfied. This way will help add that extra level of confidence to experiment and discover even more activities or perhaps broaden the old ones to enjoy with your partner.
In other words, have fun and enjoy exploring your sexuality with your partner! - Lastly, partners need to understand that establishing new sexual and partnership dynamics can take some time, especially at the beginning. Being patient and understanding is important, as well as, being efficiently communicative to ensure both partners are comfortable and happy with the new groove.
Remember that bringing a kink or fetish into a "vanilla" relationship is a journey, not a destination. It is a marathon, not a sprint! It's pivotal to approach it with open-mindedness and to note that kinks can be not just about physical and sexual sensations, but also about emotional, power dynamics and psychological arousal. A pretty good example of this is the dominance and submission roles.
This can be more than just sex for some partners, it is a lifestyle deep in their psychology. Overall, introducing a kink or fetish into a "vanilla" relationship is obviously a consensual act, that is normally done to improve and progress the relationship. Hence, most of the time, if done slowly and thoughtfully, is a rewarding and exciting experience. By doing so, partners can discover new levels of pleasure, grow their intimacy and ultimately, build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.
Final Thoughts
Introducing a kink into a "vanilla" relationship can be challenging. Particularly if partners are new to the concept, it can be a bit intimidating and overwhelming. But once the sensitive aspect of discussing it is over, then it becomes rewarding and just fun!
Kinks and fetishes are a normal and healthy way to carry many relationships, where partners are intimately connected both emotionally, sexually, physically and psychologically.
Our advice is not to hold back and not hesitate in exploring kinks that you might be interested in. Not trying to bring them into your relationship is a way to limit the potential of your relationship.
Approaching it slowly and open-mindedly will help you discover stronger levels of privacy and intimacy.
By communicating openly and honestly, as well as, respecting each other feelings and limits, a strong bond resurges in the relationship.