When it comes to any polyamorous relationship, there are no predetermined norms for how love and emotions should be expressed or experienced. One of the unique aspects of polyamorous relationships is the freedom to express love, sex, and emotions in unrestricted ways.
However, it's important to remember that establishing and maintaining boundaries is a crucial aspect of any polyamorous relationship. Communicating and discussing boundaries is essential in order to ensure that all partners feel safe, respected, and fulfilled in the relationship.
Boundaries are especially important in the context of partnerships and metamours within polyamorous relationships. So, how do we define boundaries in poly relationships?
Boundaries are physical and emotional guidelines, limits and directives, that are defined and set by a person, to determine the way they wish their partners to behave around them. They should be reasonable, safe, and agreed upon by all parties involved and need to be universally acceptable for the well-being of all partners.
Establishing boundaries in polyamorous relationships can be a complex process, but it is important to reach a consensus and mutual agreement on these boundaries for the success and enjoyment of the relationship. Having clear and agreed-upon boundaries helps to ensure a smooth and uncomplicated dynamic within the polyamorous relationship.
Why are those boundaries essential in polyamorous relationships? As with other aspects of life, the more people involved in something, the more challenging it can be to work harmoniously and reach agreements. This can be especially true in polyamorous relationships, where multiple people are involved and may have different needs, desires, and boundaries.
In open and polyamorous relationships, where multiple people may be involved physically, sexually, and emotionally, it can be easy for things to become complicated quickly. It's important to communicate clearly and establish boundaries in order to navigate these complex dynamics.
Let's explore some examples of important boundaries in polyamorous relationships in order to maintain a healthy and enjoyable dynamic. It's important to consider what is acceptable and not acceptable to the partners involved, both in terms of sexual and emotional arrangements.
There are various types of boundaries that are essential for setting up a successful and enjoyable polyamorous relationship. It's important to establish these boundaries to ensure that all parties involved have a positive experience.
Establishing boundaries can help you identify the key points that are important to you and protect you from toxic situations that could potentially turn your healthy polyamorous relationship into a toxic dynamic that could destroy your arrangement. By setting clear boundaries, you can ensure that you and your partners have a healthy and positive relationship.
These rules or guidelines are meant to improve communication and intimacy by helping you clearly communicate your needs and boundaries to your partners and understand what they expect from the polyamorous relationship. By setting clear guidelines and focusing on communication, you can strengthen your relationship and ensure that everyone's needs are being met.
Sexual and physical boundaries
Before we explain a bit deeper why sexual and physical boundaries are so essential in the success of an open polyamory relationship, it is important to define what these boundaries are. Physical limits are the boundaries with regards to your body and your individual, personal space and physical needs.
Physical needs, including sexual needs, are an important aspect of any relationship and must be properly discussed, established, and arranged in order to avoid violating privacy and potentially damaging the relationship. It's important to clearly communicate and respect each other's physical and sexual boundaries in order to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Before creating a list of boundaries and rules to present to your partners, it's important to make sure you have a good understanding of your own needs and desires. This will help you be confident and clear about what you want in your polyamorous relationship, both physically and sexually. By taking the time to get to know yourself and your needs, you can better communicate and advocate for what you want in your relationships and your partners.
It can be challenging to clearly communicate your boundaries to your partners, but it's important to do so in a respectful and considerate way. You may fear being perceived as rude or distant, but if you express your thoughts clearly and communicate in an open and honest way, everyone should feel respected and included.
Some physical boundaries may include not being disturbed while showering or eating. Other physical boundaries may include requesting not to be touched constantly, not being touched right after waking up until feeling more awake, or not having someone stand too close. Anything that revolves around the physical space around you, can be added into your set of physical rules.
Let's now focus on sexual boundaries. Talking about sex can be a sensitive subject, especially in polyamorous relationships where multiple partners with different desires or views about sex may be involved. It is ironic that many failed polyamorous relationships involved partners not being clear about their sexual expectations for fear of damaging the relationship.
Having a reasonable and mature discussion about the sexual aspects of a poly relationship can enhance authenticity and enjoyment rather than ruin the partnership. This allows all partners to express their fantasies, desires, and boundaries.
Sexual boundaries may include clearly stating preferences and boundaries in bed, such as what you want and don't want to be doing under any circumstance. Sexual boundaries may also include setting the frequency of sexual encounters or choosing not to have them at all, as some partners may want to focus on emotional and intellectual aspects of their poly relationship.
Partners should openly and honestly share their kinks, desires, wishes, and fantasies without hesitation, as this is key to the success of a polyamorous relationship (and also many vanilla relationships for that matter). Lastly, these kind of boundaries should also include discussing and establishing topics like sex positions, foreplay, trying new things and so on.
Emotional boundaries
Just like we have explained earlier in the physical boundaries, getting to know your feelings and where you stand in your emotional status, is essential to develop your poly relationship. Healthy emotional boundaries, require you know where your liberties start and where your parter’s end. Everyone is different when it comes to dealing with their emotions, for which, emotional boundaries should involve separating your feelings from another’s, in order to establish a clear set of rules on how to act emotionally. This includes, establishing how to deal with vulnerabilities, anger and sad situations, as not all partners involved may want to deal in the same way (some may want to take full responsibility and be the saviour, whilst others, may be more assertive and may want to stay in a less dramatic wavelength of conflict). Breaches and violations of these types of boundaries, include, but it is not limited to being overly pleasant with another's feelings, letting someone else dictate your own feelings, getting blamed or blaming others for your problems and so on. Clearly defined emotional boundaries can definitely authenticate and signifies your poly relationship.
Financial boundaries
Financial boundaries in a poly relationship are another common source of conflict in between partners and are crucial to establish to avoid confusion. These include, physical money, assets like a car, bike, house, personal belongings and anything related to sharing money and spending habits. Discussing openly about finances and money can be a tricky and uncomfortable topic to talk about and some people do live this situation as “too formal”, “not romantic” and so on, however, I can assure you that, not until this topic is addressed, that the relationship can start thriving. Managing and setting up limits around finances is essential and it is crucial not to frowned them upon. Specific examples may include discussing simple daily things like, borrowing a car, how much and often and how to react if there is an accident. Others may include who pays rent, mortgage or meals or borrowing hard money. Drawing a line around this topic is pretty crucial, in order to avoid big problems that will dynamite your poly relationship. Other boundaries may include intellectual boundaries, time boundaries, expectations boundaries and so on.
There you go! Now you know the most important and common types of boundaries and rules that all polyamorous relationships need to establish in between all the partners involved in order to succeed. Also, bear in mind that, the whole idea of setting up these guidelines in your relationship is pointless if you don’t stick to them or if you don’t voice how important they are to you. always remember that a healthy relationship is based on constant, fluid communication and respect to all parters involved.